Tunisian engagement traditions: khotba, Fatiha and mawsem

Before the contract and the henna comes the khotba — the engagement. It is when two families truly meet and many things are decided. Here are Tunisian engagement traditions as they are lived today: the request, the reading of the Fatiha, what the groom’s family brings, the mawsem gifts, and the words people say.

Asking for her hand

It starts between elders: the young man’s father, or an uncle, speaks to the young woman’s father. Then comes the evening of the request at the bride’s family home, with a formula tradition has kept: “جيناكم خاطبين راغبين في بنت الحسب والنسب” — we have come to ask for the hand of your daughter, of good family and good lineage.

Reading the Fatiha

The qrayet el-fetha makes the agreement official. At the bride’s home, everyone recites the Fatiha (the opening chapter of the Quran), prays for the couple, and the ululations follow. The groom places the ring on his fiancée’s finger, often with a gold set. In many families, the bride’s mother draws a small circle of henna in the guests’ palms for blessing. Some families choose the 27th night of Ramadan, considered auspicious — a custom, not a rule.

What the groom’s family brings

• The ring and gold — the engagement ring and often a gold set: necklace, bracelet, earrings.
• Gifts — perfume, clothes and beauty products, beautifully presented on trays or in decorated baskets.
• Later, the keswa (كسوة) — the clothes, perfumes and gifts the groom offers the bride before the wedding, often presented at a small ceremony.
• The cake — an engagement cake, cut during the evening.

The mawsem: holiday gifts

During the engagement, the groom gives his fiancée gifts on religious holidays. The most anticipated is the mawsem of the 27th night of Ramadan — jewellery, clothes, flowers, sometimes something for the future home, as Tuniscope describes. It is a distinctly Tunisian word: elsewhere in the Maghreb these gifts have other names. Tunisia’s consumer organisation puts these holiday gifts at around 2,000 to 3,000 dinars over the engagement, according to Webdo.

The engagement party and what comes next

Many couples now add a real engagement party with a hall, a dress and a band; in some regions it is called the mlak, a word whose meaning varies. Then come the contract, the henna and the main evening — see Tunisian wedding traditions. To congratulate the couple, say “mabrouk” and “rabbi ytammem bel khir”, may God bring it to a good end; more in our guide to Arabic wedding wishes. When it is time to invite, the designs show every event of the programme.